Behind the Mask
by Bakageta Koto
Summary: As Joker believes, opening yourself up to another person only lets them exploit that weak point. Can he ever look past the technology he loves to see the young Quarian who supports him? Joker x Tali.


A/N: So, originally, I simply wanted to write up a Tali fic. But, after some time cooking in my head, it become a Joker x Tali fic. They're both computer nerds/techies. It could work, right? Please don't judge too harshly if you dislike the pairing idea. ^^ Any sort of review is appreciated, though! Enjoy... or something... ^^;

1/23/10 Edit: Corrected a rather glaring contradiction brought to my attention by VisualIDentificationZeta. Thank you!

- - - - - - -

"Hello Joker!"

"What the hell, kid? You hacked the comm systems?"

"Obviously. And don't call me that."

"I'm going to be blunt. Why the comm systems?"

"One cannot be a member of a ship's crew if one is not familiar with the method of communication used aboard the ship."

"Hate to break it to ya, kid. You _aren't _part of the crew. Not the Normandy crew, anyway. You're part of the Commander's task force, or whatever the hell it is."

"Is that so? Then, I suppose I will need to enlist the aid of Engineer Adams to undo the improvements I've made to your Tantalus drive core. And I asked you to not call me "kid"."

"Hold it. What kind of "improvements"? "

"That would be telling."

"Hmph. You know, I could have you arrested for interfering with the operation of a Spectre's ship."

"But you won't."

"Now, now. Don't take away one of the few swords I can dangle over your head, kid."

"Stop calling me that. Just pay attention to the electrical charge level the next time you take the Normandy into FTL."

Joker chuckled as he cut the comm link. Honestly, though he'd never admit it to anyone, he found the young Quarian girl to be quite interesting. What made her tick? How in the hell did she know, or seem to know, more about the Normandy than most of the crew? He chucked again, shaking his head, and went back to eavesdropping on conversations over the comm system.

- - - - - - -

"Were you treated differently when you were young because of your condition?"

"That's kind of a personal question, kid."

"Don't call me "kid". Are you still going to answer?"

Joker paused, propping his chin on his fist and regarding Tali with a frown. She was sitting at his right, at Alenko's omni-board, going through records of the ship's Mass Relay jumps. Several people, Williams included, had expressed a desire to keep the aliens away from sensitive information about the Normandy. Shepard disagreed, saying that the aliens were their allies, and seriously doubted they were along to spy. Joker disagreed as well. He knew he was a good judge of personality, and Tali was researching out of her own curiosity. The Flotilla probably never saw anything that could hold a candle to the Normandy.

That explained her interest in the ship, now why was she asking about him?

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Hm... Yeah. I was treated differently. My parents, my so-called "friends", my classmates. All of them tried to treat me differently for my condition." He gritted his teeth, "But I wouldn't let them."

"Your parents?"

"Do you really want to open that can of worms? Always trying to pamper me and telling me to not push myself so hard."

"For my people, each child is a precious gift, more so now that birth numbers are regulated. Isn't it natural for parents to treat their child as special?"

Joker laughed with no humor, turning back to his station. "To them I was just an obligation. If I pushed myself too hard, I might break an ankle. If I broke anything, that meant a trip to the hospital and a nice big price tag stuck to my leg. The only way they'd be happy with me is if I had spent my life sitting in my room, letting everything I needed be brought to me. I'm here now because I never let myself go lax. All those accomplishments of mine were because I refused to do as they wanted me to."

"I see..."

She let the conversation lapse, the silence only broken by the noises of the ship and the muted voices of the crew working at stations behind them. He glanced over at her again. This time she was examining a breakdown of the stealth systems.

Tali had come up to the bridge several times now when there was a lull in his duties, and she had always been the one to start, carry, and continue a conversation. For some reason, she had kept asking him questions, and he always answered her. But, they only ever talked about him or about the Normandy. It was nice to have someone to rant at, but why did she never talk about herself? The closest they'd gotten to talking about her was her brief mentions of what the Quarians believed or did in various situations. Everyone else eventually talked about themselves. What made her tick?

"So... what about your parents?"

He watched her luminous eyes widen slightly behind her helmet, his only indication that she was surprised.

"My parents?" she shook her head, "They were... at least, my father was, the complete opposite of yours. My father was always pushing me as hard as he could, expecting perfection in everything I did."

"How'd you deal with it?"

She laughed. A curious lilting laugh, matching her accent. He realized he'd never heard it before.

"I dealt with it childishly. I secretly left imperfections where I could in my life. And, of course, they were discovered and I was made to improve upon them. But, I found more ways to be imperfect, and those were discovered as well."

She sounded regretful. He found himself wanting to see her face, to know exactly how she felt.

"Joker!" Shepard's voice crackled through his omni-board over the comm system, "Give me an ETA on the Citadel."

He shook his head. Stupid. Start thinking things like that and you end up getting hurt, one way or another. It didn't matter how nice the other person was, it didn't matter what species. You start caring about another person, and you open up a weak spot, just waiting for someone to punch you in the gut.

"We're about twelve minutes out, Commander. I was just going to make the jump through the relay."

"Understood."

"I suppose I should go." Tali said, slipping out of Alenko's station. He heard her turn to leave, but for some reason, she paused. "Thank you, Joker... for asking..."

"Hey, don't-" he started to reply, but she was already gone.

- - - - - - -

"Joker, are you awake?"

"Sure am, kid. These legs of mine ache too much for me to sleep."

"Could I come see you? I can't sleep either. The ship's too quiet tonight."

"Why are you bothering to ask, kid? I don't give a damn one way or another. But, if you do come up, grab me some coffee from the mess as you go by. I like it black."

"Sure."

He turned the link off. She didn't nag him to not call her kid. Either she was so sleep-deprived she didn't notice, or something was wrong. Joker shrugged. Maybe both, for all he knew.

The truth was, he did give a damn. Not that he was going to let her on to that fact. He constantly made a mask for himself. A go-lucky, confident, arrogant guy. He knew, if he showed himself to others as he truly was, they would think less of him for it. You show doubt to others and they think you're weak. Have a condition like his, and you're seen as even weaker.

An N7 coffee mug was set down into the drink holder at his station. He hadn't even heard her come on the bridge. She stood just behind his chair, for some reason not moving to her usual spot at Alenko's station.

"Hey. Thanks, kid." He told Tali, taking a sip of the scalding hot caffeine, "You know, I never understood why the ship being quiet makes it hard for you to sleep."

"I am not a child."

"What does that have to do-?"

"The fact that I am on my Pilgrimage means that my people have recognized me as growing to maturity. I am not a "kid". And I will earn my place on the Flotilla as an adult."

"Alright, alright. Jeez, you don't have to be so touchy about it."

He set the coffee down went back to his omni-board, his fingers cycling through the orange screen as he filled out a maintenance report on the Normandy's life support systems.

Tali leaned down, her elbows on the arm of his chair, her glowing eyes less than a foot from his.

"Why do you tease me?"

"What the hell kind of a question is that? I tease everybody."

"Do you really?"

Joker was starting to feel uncomfortable. Her eyes felt like x-rays, even through that helmet.

"What's the big deal? Do you want me to say I won't do it again?"

"No. That's not what I want you to say." She sat on the arm of his chair, turned toward him. His eyes were meeting hers now, the light from her eyes brighter than most of the omni-panels on the darkened bridge. "I want you to call me by my name, and I want you to say you see me for the young woman that I am."

For once, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau was speechless.

Her hands were on his chest. The touch felt alien, not because she was one, not because of the number of her fingers, but because it had been a millennia before anyone had touched him like that. His weak point had been available to her for quite some time now. He had only been denying it.

"What is my name?"

Her hands curled around his face.

"...Tali..."

He pulled her close to him, taking one of her hands in his, his other hand at the small of her back.

This could never be.

This was never meant to be.

With her the way she was, he the way he was. Not only their physical shortcomings, but also their obligations. She had to go back to her people. He had to stay here. That was the way the pieces lay.

Yet, he didn't care about that. Any of it.

He knew she didn't either.

Her hands stroked down his neck, his back, his arms. The touch was light, gentle, but her hands left his skin burning like fire. He found his own hands on her hips, her neck, then gently caressing her breasts, feeling her heartbeat at his fingertips through the cloth of her suit.

If he could, he would have kissed her. Though, this was more than enough.

The way they both were, this was more than enough.


End file.
